Please Forgive Me

I would like to start this blog by asking Nicole and Tatiana for their forgiveness. I apologize from deep in my heart for not doing the best that I could for you, Nicole and Tatiana.  I failed you both in so many ways. I wasn't the mother I wanted to be and that I know I could have been for you both. I did the best I knew how but that was not good enough. I would like to share some of my thoughts and feelings when it comes to my girls.

I hear my girls comment that they don't want to have children.I remember feeling the same way and for the same reasons, I was always surrounded by children younger than me. Although I enjoyed babysitting and spending time with my younger cousins, nieces, and nephews it was also always nice to have time with my own friends so I do understand why my girls say they don't want to have children.

They day I found I was pregnant with Nicole was the happiest day of my life. There was no other feeling like it. Although I was not married and at the time did not have a plan for my future, I knew I loved this baby more than anything in life. My pregnancy was not an easy one but the feeling of my baby moving inside me is a feeling I miss. Three years later my husband and I were ready for another child. We had a slow beginning conceiving but again finding out we were going to add to our family was the happiest feeling ever felt. Holding my babies I didn't know how one day I was gonna have to let them go and here I am with my babies turning 21 and 18 this year.

I have many regrets with my parenting and if I could back I would and I would change so many things. I would play with them more, I would play with them everyday. I would spin them and laugh with them more. I would tell them stories every single night and make me them feel so special. I would make them first and I would finish what I started like piano lessons, track, and cheer leading. I would guide them biblical and teach them to love God like He deserves to be loved not how religion teaches us. I would guide them in the right path and let them know they are priceless. During our hard times, I would be strong for them and let them know that I would not allow anything to hurt to them.

Nicole and Tatiana I love you more than anything and I am writing this blog for you both. I want you both to know how much I love you and how sorry I am for all my mistakes.