I will never come close to winning the best mother award, I am the farthest from perfect of any human, but I did try to teach you all wrong from right. So when I see you all making decisions that might hurt you it hurts me. When I see you following in my foot steps, it hurts me, and when I see you making the same mistakes I made, it hurts me.
The disappointment I feel is never towards either of my girls, the disappointment I feel is towards myself because of my mistakes I caused you to make your mistakes. We all have second, third, fourth, and on and on of chances to make up for what we did wrong but we first have to acknowledge that the paths we are taking are the wrong paths and we have to turn back. And I can't do that for my girls, they have to do it themselves and that is the difficult part to watch.
I think about all the things I wanted to do with my girls but I put off and now I live with the regret of not doing what I should have done and it kills me. I try to make up for it but I do believe at times it's too late. If you are a mother of young children don't make the same mistakes I made, put those little ones first. Make time to always do today what you think you have time for tomorrow because tomorrow doesn't care of all your good intentions. Tomorrow eats you up alive if you don't take advantage of today.
Marisol
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Sunday, May 10, 2015
The best we know how, isn't the best.
Today is Mother's Day and I feel like this "holiday" is meant for the children in our lives, they are reason we are mothers. My mother was everything to me but I don't believe she knew that and that's my fault, I didn't let know her know. I think about her everyday. I miss her very much but I am also living her life and I know that is something she didn't want for us. I am repeating some of her errors and I am certainly repeating her pain.
My girls mean everything to me yet I didn't do my best to raise them. I was told that I did the best I knew how for that moment in time, but it wasn't my best. I live with the guilt everyday and now those moments are gone. And I do not want them to repeat my mistakes like I repeated my mother's mistakes. I know in my heart my mother did the best she could for us. We were never hungry, my husband had never experienced meals in life like he did at our home. She dressed us as though we were wealthy although we lived in a 900 square foot home. She protected us and kept from harm. She did the best she knew how.
We all grow up thinking we will raise our children differently and I we will not make the mistakes our parents made but unfortunately we live in this great big circle and it takes effort to jump off. Now I try to help and guide my girls because as we all wish we could go back and change things we can not. So I deeply apologize and ask for forgiveness for all the mistakes I made in the lives of my girls.
My girls mean everything to me yet I didn't do my best to raise them. I was told that I did the best I knew how for that moment in time, but it wasn't my best. I live with the guilt everyday and now those moments are gone. And I do not want them to repeat my mistakes like I repeated my mother's mistakes. I know in my heart my mother did the best she could for us. We were never hungry, my husband had never experienced meals in life like he did at our home. She dressed us as though we were wealthy although we lived in a 900 square foot home. She protected us and kept from harm. She did the best she knew how.
We all grow up thinking we will raise our children differently and I we will not make the mistakes our parents made but unfortunately we live in this great big circle and it takes effort to jump off. Now I try to help and guide my girls because as we all wish we could go back and change things we can not. So I deeply apologize and ask for forgiveness for all the mistakes I made in the lives of my girls.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry all my plans for you both always fell through. Please forgive me for not putting you girls first in my life.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Love
There is no love like loving your child/ren. I remember after my mom passed away family members would tells us, "Your momma, she loved you so much" it made me feel weird, like I knew she loved us. I felt like the person telling us didn't feel love from their mom, I know it sounds weird but I never understood why people would tell us. Now I hope when I pass, people remind my girls how much I loved them. Because they are the reason I live, even now that they are adults. I think I love them more although I do miss them being younger.
The day I brought home Nicole from the hospital, I never wanted to let her go. I still have that feeling like if she was just born. I remember thinking, how did my mom let us go. There is no love like loving a child. When we were preparing for Tatiana, I was worried that I couldn't love a second child like I love Nicole but there is so much love to give them both. My love for them overflows. There are days when I do get angry at them, but I can never stay angry at them. I guess because my mom could stay angry at us for days and weeks that I never wanted my girls to experience that kind of anger, I could even call it hate. They know it too, they know that I can't be angry at them for long.
The love I have for my girls has taught me to love others. I love my Isaac and Aly so much. I love my Nate, Sophia, and new baby so much. It kills me that I am missing out on my Wyatt, Azalea, Madisyn, and Ashlyn. There is so much love I have for them.
Time is a thief, enjoy your babies. Enjoy every minute you have with them. Don't allow your anger to take from the precious time you have with them because before you know it, they will fly the nest and all you have are memories and regrets of wasted time.
I love my girls. I love their laughter. I love their silliness. I love how they have become independent young ladies. I love their beauty and their smiles. I love them.
Marisol
The day I brought home Nicole from the hospital, I never wanted to let her go. I still have that feeling like if she was just born. I remember thinking, how did my mom let us go. There is no love like loving a child. When we were preparing for Tatiana, I was worried that I couldn't love a second child like I love Nicole but there is so much love to give them both. My love for them overflows. There are days when I do get angry at them, but I can never stay angry at them. I guess because my mom could stay angry at us for days and weeks that I never wanted my girls to experience that kind of anger, I could even call it hate. They know it too, they know that I can't be angry at them for long.
The love I have for my girls has taught me to love others. I love my Isaac and Aly so much. I love my Nate, Sophia, and new baby so much. It kills me that I am missing out on my Wyatt, Azalea, Madisyn, and Ashlyn. There is so much love I have for them.
Time is a thief, enjoy your babies. Enjoy every minute you have with them. Don't allow your anger to take from the precious time you have with them because before you know it, they will fly the nest and all you have are memories and regrets of wasted time.
I love my girls. I love their laughter. I love their silliness. I love how they have become independent young ladies. I love their beauty and their smiles. I love them.
Marisol
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